In Double Knavery
by Freya Sacksen
Summary: Angry parents, psychopathic biology teachers and a counseller who used to wrestle at the WWE. Nothing can stand in the face of true love though...right? Modern day Othello, complete with mitosis, basketballs and sociopathic Roderigos.
1. Puppies and Bruises

**Summary:** Psychopathic biology teachers, angry parents and a counseler who used to wrestle at the WWE. Nothing can stand in the way of true love though...right?

**Author's Note:** Iago was the Spanish form of James. I think all the other names make sense if you keep that in mind (Neill's becomes more obvious later). Set in the same universe as my AMSND fic _If We Be Friends_, it's not required reading, but later chapter make more sense if you've read at least chapter two. Yes, this is way humorous. It's deliberate. You probably noticed the tag 'humor' below. And 'tragedy'. But hey, if Iago can be bawdy and teasing, I don't see why I can't. Also, I am a supporter of the Iago-wants-to-get-in-Othello's-pants theory, and even went so far as to use it in an exam essay. So...there will be slash Shakespeare luvin'.

**In Double Knavery**

**Chapter One: Puppies and Bruises**

"Come, be a man. Drown thyself? Drown cats and blind puppies. I have professed me…"

"Ew. Blind puppies?"

"A dog is for life, Addie, not just for Christmas,"

The group rolled their eyes in total unison. Neill's love of dogs was _legendary_.

"Anyway," said Addie, brushing some blonde hair out of her eyes, "What kind of person plays _Iago_ anyway?"

"An utter psychopath," said James calmly, turning the page of the book. Currently he was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, lying on his back with his feet up the wall and mousy hair splayed on the floor like a starfish, "Okay, what's another cool soliloquy…"

"Do Emilia's one," said Neill from where he perched halfway up the stairs, dark bangs falling into his eyes in an absurdly attractive fashion.

"Emilia's a girl," said James with a frown.

"It's not my fault you sound like an ickle girlie when you say girl parts," cooed Neill.

There was a thud, and a '_ow!_' followed by a series of laughter.

"Can I have my book back?" said James calmly.

"Why? So you can throw it at me again?!"

There was more laughter, this time from the girl on the stair closest to James. Her pale brown hair was let down, and she was currently eating a lock of it.

"Ew, Ed, stop doing that," Addie made a face. She was sitting in between Ed and Neill.

"It looks cute," said James. Ed blushed as the book went flying past her ear.

"Ha, take that!" said Neill, laughing as James rubbed his head.

"You realize, of course, that this means war!" James was on his feet in a second, ready to jump at him.

"That's not a good idea, James," said a voice, making James stumble and turn, before completely losing his balance and skidding down to land next to Ed.

"Hi, Ben," he said, rubbing his arm, "Next time don't do that when I'm halfway up the stairs,"

The dark-skinned boy laughed softly.

"Back from basketball practice?" said Ed. Ben had time to get a 'yeah' in before Addie tackled him, making him give out a strangled 'hi!' before he stumbled backwards to hit the wall where James had been sitting.

"Addie missed you," said Neill. Ben had a chance to get out a gasped 'I noticed' before Addie continued to kiss him quite forcefully.

Suddenly a very loud siren went, making James, who had been standing up, slip a bit and land on his stomach next to Ed.

"James, you've been at school here for four years and you're _still_ not used to the siren?" she said. James stood up, rubbing his side.

"That's another set of bruises to turn up tomorrow and make my mother wince," said James.

"Why does your mother see you with your top off?" asked Neill. James flushed and Ed burst into laughter, face going pink.

"What's so funny?" asked Addie as she jumped off Ben.

"It's just…" Ed kept laughing, "_I_ know why!"

"Why?" said Neill.

"You're _not_ telling them, Ed, you're _not_!" Ed might have gotten in a sly retort, but she was too busy laughing fit to burst.

"Anyway, Ed, we need to hurry," said Addie, picking up her bags, "We've got biology,"

Simultaneously Ed and Neill went sheet white.

"He can't be that bad," said James, putting away his book and closing his bag.

"You think _Iago_'s psychopathic?" said Neill.

"Hey! At least you don't have drama with Robin!" said Ben, who shared a glance with James. The two shuddered.

"Let me guess: He's playing Iago?" said Neill.

"Actually, he's playing Roderigo. Said he was in the mood for playing an utter wimp," said Ben, "James is playing Iago,"

There was a pause.

"Utter psychopath?" said Addie with a wry smile.

"I was thinking of Kenneth Branaugh actually, but hey…"


	2. Close To God

**Summary**: Angry parents, psychopathic biology teachers and counselors who used to wrestle at the WWE. Nothing can stand in the face of true love though…right?

**In Double Knavery**

**Chapter Two: Close To God**

"Oh no," said Ben with a wince.

"What's 'oh no'?" asked James.

"Substitute teacher,"

The two shared looks of horror.

The class settled down…as much as a drama class ever settles down…long enough for the teacher to read the list.

"Tanya?"

"Present," said a voice somewhere to James' right. He and Ben shared a look.

"New girl," they said.

"Leon?"

"Present," said a voice in the far back. Ben and James looked at one another darkly.

"Leo?"

"Present,"

"Fronia?"

"Ugh…present,"

"Hermia?"

"Present," the dark look returned.

"Samantha?"

"Present,"

"Helena?"

"Present,"

"Joy?"

"Present,"

"James?"

"Present,"

"Um…Ben…Maurice?"

"Meuric, sir,"

"Oh. Uh…Ben Meuric?"

"Present,"

"Belle?"

"Present,"

"Joel?"

"Present,"

"Robin?"

"Right here," Ben and James shuddered.

"Ben Thomas?"

"Present,"

"Brody?"

"Present," said a voice as a person ran in through the door. Ben and James rolled their eyes.

"Um…I think that's everyone. Right?"

"Ya missed me!" yelled a voice at the back. Ben and James immediately tensed.

"Oh dear god I wish he didn't go to school here," hissed James.

"Oh…Dmitri Vertov?"

"Present!"

"Right, um, well that's everyone done, um…what are people doing?"

"Othello," said Robin lazily, "With everyone's favorite basketballer as the Moor and everyone's favorite intellectual as Iago,"

"You know, you don't have to say it like that," said James.

"Say it like what?" Robin batted his eyelids.

"Like an insult,"

The look on Robin's face suddenly became concerningly feral, but he didn't say anything.

"What part is _he_ playing?" asked the teacher.

"Roderigo," said the class in unison, in a long-suffering tone.

"And who's playing Desdemona?"

"That's me," said Fronia, looking as if she were covered in filth for having to say it. Ben would have taken umbrage, except he knew that it was just because the teacher refused to call her 'Bella'.

"And Emilia?"

"That's me," said Hermia. Ben and James exchanged looks again.

"And Cassio?"

"That's me," said Brody. Ben and James shuddered.

"Other people are…?"

"I'm Brabantio," said Ben Thomas.

"Look at it this way," said Ben to James' snort of derision, "_You_ don't have to engage in proper conversation. _You_ just get to insult him,"

"I know," said James, "That's what I _love_ about Iago,"

"I'm the Clown," said Helena. Ben and James exchanged looks again, but this time of pity and concern. Anybody with a heart felt bad for Helena, even James (despite his occasional arguments that his heart was but a dark festering artery. Ed would then hit him on the head and threaten him with no sex for, like, ever. That tended to shut James up pretty quick).

"I'm Bianca," said Tanya.

"I'm Lodovico," said Leon.

"Gratiano," said Dmitri.

"Montano," said Samantha.

"Isn't he a guy?" said James.

"_And_?" said Samantha, sending James her patented 'shut-the-goddamn-hell-up' look.

James did, mostly because it was a long-running joke in the drama department that Samantha desperately wanted a sex change.

"I'm the Duke," said Joel.

"And everybody else is everybody else," said Joy, even though there weren't really that many people left.

"So, um…start your scenes, then," said the teacher, obviously unnerved by the thoughtful look Robin was giving him. He then turned to James.

"Wanna do the scene with Brabantio?"

James smiled.

"Why not?"

So, several minutes later, Ben Thomas (or Arse as he liked to be known, for whatever reason) was standing on the mezzanine. He took a long cough before he started.

"What…"

"Arse, we're the ones who start," said Robin.

"…oh,"

"I thought we were just doing the insulting-Brabatio bit," said James.

"Nah, let's do the whole opening scene,"

James had a sudden ominous feeling, although he wasn't entirely sure what it had to do with anything, especially seeing as Robin, prankster of the year, wasn't doing, well, anything.

The two coughed and then walked offstage and back on…

"Tush!" said Robin, "Never tell me!"

Everybody went silent. As you do when Robin is acting (especially with James – the two worked bizarrely well together).

"I take it much unkindly that thou, Iago, who hast had my purse as if the strings were thine shouldst know of this," the frustration in Robin's voice was _perfect_.

"'Sblood," said James, looking simultaneously sullen and irritated, "But you will not hear me. If ever I did dream of such a matter, abhor me,"

Out of the corner of his eye, James spotted the teacher's jaw drop.

"Thou told'st me thou didst hold him in thy hate," said Robin.

The scene continued, with Robin coming around as James explained it all, his derision for Cassio (more for Brody, really) dripping off his words.

"Rouse him up!" said James eagerly, "Poison his delight!"

Ben stood on the sidelines, watching with amusement the sub's reaction. Everybody else was engrossed in the performance, but a flushing James had told Ben that, despite his confidence, he still felt uncomfortable having friends watch. Ben had then pointed out that that would make acting hazardous for him, but James had said that Addie would be too busy paying attention to Ben, Neill too busy making out with whoever was his girlie _this_ time and his parents too busy arguing.

"And Ed?" James blushed.

"That's what makeup is for. That way nobody can see me blush whenever I accidentally look at her,"

Ben had laughed.

Currently, the sub's reactions were getting steadily more and more hilarious, especially now that he was actually responding as an audience, not a teacher.

The scene ended to the usual raucous applause any scene done at Duke Athens got. For some bizarre reason, they had been overburdened with talented actors.

James walked over to Ben.

"So? Sub's reaction?" he asked. James took it as a matter of course that he did a good run, and only asked Ben's points if he thought he'd done better or worse than usual. Often it was better, occasionally it had been worse.

Then again, that time had been in fourth form, when he'd done a scene from Closer, ending in him having Fronia yell 'He tastes just like you only _SWEETER_!'

James' blush just didn't wear off that year.

"The sub stopped being a sub and started being an audience," said Ben, "As usual, none of it was bad,"

"You weren't watching,"

"I was listening,"

"How'd I do?"

"Fantastic. As always," the two shared their patented 'if we were any better, we'd be God' grins.

"Well, um…" the sub coughed, obviously trying to regain being a teacher, not an audience, "Well, er, that…"

It was also obvious that he was trying to come up with a fault and drawing blanks.

"Maybe lines were a bit…fast?" he said hesitantly. The three actors shrugged.

"Whatever," said Arse, to the sub's horror.

The rest of drama passed, as usual, uneventfully.

(If you count Robin tying the sub up in gaffer tape and setting the siren up early after dunking yellow paint over the sub 'uneventful'.)

(Which, in Duke Athens High School, it was.)


	3. Ediltrudis' Secret

**Summary:** Angry parents, psychopathic biology teachers and counselors who used to wrestle at the WWE. Nothing can stand in the face of true love though…right?

**Author's Note:** Now the names make a little more sense. Also, I made some changes to iron out continuity - 25th Spell is the study spell all senior students have.

**In Double Knavery**

**Chapter Three: Ediltrudis' Secret**

However, at about the same time that Ben and James were shuddering in horror at the thought of a substitute teacher, Ed, Addie and Neill were standing outside their biology room, shuddering in horror of their usual teacher.

The door opened and a horrifyingly bland voice said,

"Come in,"

The three friends shared looks of utter horror. It seemed almost like too much for them, but at least they were all together.

Hesitantly, the class went and took their usual seats.

"Help," whimpered Neill quietly.

Like the sub, the biology teacher, Mr. Landers called out the register at the beginning of class.

"Janice Allen?"

"Present," Janice's (or Jennie, as she preferred to be called), like everybody else, had a dull tone to her voice when she answered the register in biology.

"Chrystallienia Alz?,"

"Do you _have_ to say my full name?"

"I'll take that as a 'yes, I am present'."

"Ellenweore Ball?"

"Present,"

"Robert Ball?"

"Piss off,"

"_Excuse me_?!"

"Present,"

"Lancelot Bartholomew?"

There was a faint sound of whimpering at the back.

"Is that you, Lancelot?" said a silky voice.

"Present," same the whimperer. It was so dark in the room it was impossible to tell where people really were.

"Addison Daniela?"

"I hate my last name,"

"Addison Daniela?"

"Present,"

"David Fedryr?"

"Present,"

"Why does everyone apart from you have really stupid names?" hissed Ed to Neill, who gave her a dry look.

"He'll call me by my first name. You know how much I hate my first name. People take the mickey out of it, pun unintended,"

Meanwhile, the biology teacher had gotten down to 'l'.

"Ediltrudis Leah?"

There were sighs of sympathy.

"Present," said Ed, cringing.

Addie put an arm around Ed, who, like everyone else in the class, whimpered until the teacher got to 'n'.

"Michael Neill?"

There was silence as everybody glared at Neill.

"Present,"

The register continued on with 'MacDougals' (the teacher had a _bad_ secretary) 'Quincys' and 'Terences' all cringing as their deepest, darkest secrets were revealed.

It was generally agreed that Chrissy had the worst name, followed quickly by Ed, both of whom loathed their parents for this (Chrissy's were yuppies – go figure). On the boys side, Lance and Terry were battling for the terror of their names, while Neill and Jennie had to be content being the subject of everybody else's wrath and envy.

"Now, I trust you all did your homework?" said the silky voice. Everyone in the class gulped in unison, "Get out your textbooks, exercise books and essays,"

Quietly, slowly and once more in complete unison, the class got out their books and, in some cases, their essays.

"Now…Mr. Neill…"

As Neill often commented, he always felt as though he had been transported into J. K. Rowling's world and was stuck in Potions every time he so much as _saw_ Mr. Landers.

"I trust you have your essay…"

Neill hesitantly handed over a scrap of paper. There was a moment of silence.

"Mr. Neill, it is generally regarded that essays be longer than three sentences,"

"I prefer to be succinct, sir," said Neill, eyes closed and hands braced for the reaction, which he got.

Whilst the darkness in the classroom made it near impossible to see, you could _feel_ Mr. Landers swell up in fury.

This happened every spell. Every spell, _somebody_ forgot their essays, or deliberately mis-wrote it, simply to be the scapegoat of the spell. Neill and Lance were the hardiest of the class, and could deal with drawing Mr. Landers' wrath off of their classmates.

Soon, Mr. Lander quieted down and walked back to his desk. There was a near-silent sigh of relief as it became obvious that he was not going to check people's essays, or lack thereof.

"Today," the teacher said, in his usual bland voice. There were never quite sure what it was about the voice that made them shrink backwards, but it had postulated that it was because it showed no hint of emotion whatsoever, but in a _human_ way, not robotic, "We are going to look at mitosis and meioses,"

Students were torn between genuine interest and genuine fear.

"Who can tell me one of the primary differences?" Ed hesitantly raised a hand, "Yes, Miss Leah?"

"Mitosis is involved in the creation of new cells; meiosis in reproduction,"

"Very good. Anybody else have another?" now it was Neill's turn, "Mr. Neill?"

"Meiosis is used to split chromosomes and also cross them over, creating genetic diversity, as well as splitting into smaller pairs. Mitosis is just cell division,"

"Also good. Now…how shall we begin this?"

- - -

Three-quarters of an hour later the three walked out of the classroom, holding onto one another and inwardly weeping. While Ed and Neill may have gotten off to a good start, the class had eventually degenerated into it's usual mess of bland insults, fumbling answers, confident students becoming less-than-confident and, as per usual, a three thousand word essay.

"Every week he adds on another hundred," said Addie.

"It started off so easy," said Neill.

It was 25th Spell, so the friends made their way back to the stairs to find Ben in the process of flinging his basketball up the stairs to James, who, laughing, tried to avoid it.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I take it back!" he gasped as Ben flung it at him again. Unfortunately, reflexes honed by years of play fighting with Ben kicked in and he grabbed the basketball just before it hit him.

Addie buried her face in a hand. Neill rolled his eyes and Ed just stared, with a very quiet 'Oh-uh'.

Ben was very protective of his basketball, one of the reasons he was so good at the sport.

And now he was running up the stairs to the pale-skinned boy. Fast.

James, trying to think of a quick way out, threw the ball to Neill and legged it out of the door at the top of the stairs and onto the grassy field in front of the maths department, followed swiftly by a dark streak in red.

"I take it back, I take it back!" repeated James, still trying to get away. Ben might be fit, but James had long legs and was very good at climbing, which was why, later, the two ended up in the principle's office, trying to explain why they had been having what appeared to be an impromptu basketball game on the roof.

"Um…" said Ben.

"We were trying to get the ball back, sir," said James, completely straight-faced.

"Fair enough, but you were passing it back and forth. Or, to be more accurate, Ben was throwing it at you and you were trying to avoid it," he rubbed his forehead and opened his mouth, obviously to pass judgement…

At this point, one of the lovely office ladies appeared.

"Excuse me, sir, but Robin and Jacob have been grabbed here by Mr. Griffin. Apparently they filled the rec center with sand and water,"

"Send them in," said the principal in a tight voice. In walked two boys, the shorter, they recognized as Robin, looking as pouty and innocent as he could manage, which was disturbingly well. The taller boy – and he was much taller than Robin – was a boy rivaling with Neill for utter masculine beauty. James didn't immediately recognize him until he suddenly remembered his English class last year when these two had sat at the back of the class and managed to successfully pass with top marks while doing barely anything constructive. That would _also_ be the year for the Infamous Period Of Upset caused by Robin for God knows what reason. He just apparently got incredibly depressed and took it out on the school population in general, to the point where the tall boy had ended up actually tying him up.

"Why did you two do this?" asked the principal.

"You said you liked the beach, sir. We were just trying to do you a favor,"

"It's not our fault you didn't take it so kindly,"

It was at that point that Ben became aware that he was holding a piece of paper. He surreptitiously looked at it, seeing a familiar scrawl

_Listen:_

_PleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASE cause a distraction for us! PLEASE!_

_Robin & Jacob._

Ben decided not to wonder about when it had dropped into it's hand, and decided that he would make sure these two paid him back for it. Making a motion with his head, he and James managed a swift retreat.

"What's up?" asked James, "You have that look in your eye that means I'm going to regret what happens next," Ben grinned and showed him the piece of paper. James raised his eyebrows, "Well, then. I guess we'd better milk him for all he's worth when we've done this," said James with a smile.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yeah, but where are we going to get a nuclear weapon at _this_ time of day?"

Ben made a threatening gesture but James tapped his watch. Not much time.

So, clambering up a tree next to the principals office, the two managed to, with some difficulty and silent swearing, make their way onto the roof. It helped that the roof was perfectly flat, meaning that their plan was going to be much easier.

"Here goes nothing," mouthed Ben, and he started to dribble his basketball, which he'd kept with him the whole time. James then managed to intercept – mostly because Ben let him – and the two ended up doing exactly what they'd done before – a pseudo basketball match.

Soon, they heard running feet and saw the Principal appear from ground floor door.

Quickly, the two scaled down the tree, just in time to hear the sound of a room being filled with sand…


	4. Running and Smoking

**Summary:** Angry parents, psychopathic biology teachers and a counselor who used to wrestle at the WWE. Nothing can stand in the face of true love though…right?

**A/N:** This was disturbingly difficult to write, for many, many reasons. It was also hilarious. You'll see why.

**In Double Knavery**

**Chapter Four: Running and Smoking**

"Uh, Ben?"

"Uh, Ben?"

"Yeah, James?"

"I know you're happy about your basketball skills on the roof, but it looks like we've got the entire P.E. department as well as the Principal after us,"

The two, currently leaning against the wall outside the staff room, looked through the window to see a bunch of teachers legging it towards them.

The two shared horrified looks.

"_RUN_!"

And so the two did, Ben taking the straight roads, James jumping over bins and the like, knocking them back into the teachers path as he did so.

"WHOA!" James exclaimed, leaning to catch his balance. The two had ended up right at the slope to the bottom field, and if they continued to run the way they had been, they would have tripped over the chairs built into the grass. The two glanced at each other.

"As if we have a choice," said Ben, and the two took breaths and jumped, half-running, half-falling down the seats to stumble to their feet at the bottom, only to see the teachers run down the stairs.

"Oh-uh," they said in unison and turned tail and ran across the field, stumbling occasionally before jumping the fence at the end and landing, somewhat haphazardly on the pavement.

Unfortunately, they were boxed in by the busy road.

"Ben, you know this shit only works in movies, right?" said James, uncomfortably aware of the fact that they had now broken about ten school rules at that the teachers were gaining.

"You know getting out of this only works with Jacob and Robin, right?"

The two shared looks, before shuddering and attempting something that would later become apocryphal among the annals of school memory.

They ran across the car-clogged street by jumping on the cars. They ignored the swear words directed their way, concerned mostly with getting away from the school. They ran down the streets, hitting suburbs before finding themselves in the middle of a rugby field halfway between school and town.

The two looked back, saw no sign of teachers, and then burst into exhausted, hysterical laughter.

"You," said James, somewhere in between panted laughter, "Are one crazy sonofabitch," Ben collapsed onto the ground and James was mere moments behind him, resting on his arms and front instead of being splayed out like a starfish like Ben.

"They're never gonna believe us, back at the school," said James, trying the break the silence.

"Are we gonna be heading back to the school?" said Ben.

There was a pause.

"Tell me the end of that sentence is 'today' Ben," said James. Ben sat up and rested his weight on his elbows.

"Yeah, well, all I've got to look forward to is a basketball scholarship,"

"Stop whining," said James with a twist of the mouth, "You're equal with me in Calc, you're the only person able to hit fourteen on that weird ladder thing in the gym, and no one else has done that since this school was built. In a one-on-one you could take down Michael Jordan without breaking a sweat and if you actually took English you'd do just as good as me,"

"Liar,"

"Absolutely true,"

"You're just trying to make me feel better,"

"I'm trying to get you to stop thinking you're so bad just because you've got an intellectual for a friend, not to mention the biggest lady charmer Duke Athen's has ever seen, you've got Miss Will-Get-Through-Med-School-Without-A-Sweat for a female friend and the most beautiful girl in the whole school for a girlie. We're a fucking group of 'The Best' students. We've got you to be the best sports star, me to be a pretentious smartypants, Ed to be the ultimate science whiz and Neill to be…Neill. Not to mention you've got Addie, and that's more than enough of a reason to stay at Duke Athens," through the middle of the speech he'd been rummaging through a pocket and soon had a lit cigarette in his mouth.

"You shouldn't smoke that," said Ben.

"I like my cancer lollies. 'Sides, it won't really screw me over till I'm fifty or something,"

"It's not sexy,"

"I don't want to _be_ sexy,"

"Then why do you smoke it?"

James shrugged.

"Force of habit. You'd rather I took pot?"

"I'd rather you didn't take anything,"

"Jesus. Go into the Olympics, I want to see what happens when they find someone who doesn't any kind of drugs. Except maybe caffeine,"

"And if it weren't for caffeine you wouldn't have gotten me through last years science exams,"

"Yeah, everyone who passes without a sweat at school burns midnight oil at home," said James, putting his cigarette out. James lit another, and when it was halfway to his mouth, Ben grabbed it and took a drag, to James' surprise and horror.

"I've tried these, and they do _nothing_ for me," to James' continued shock, he grabbed James' packet of cigarettes and lighter, walked over to a rubbish bin and threw them in, before walking back, "I don't want to see you light up again," he said, holding a hand out for James to grab.

James stared at him, utter respect in his eyes as Ben pulled him up. The two headed back to school, James relieved and Ben thoughtful.

Of course, this didn't stop them getting detentions for a good chunk of the term.


	5. Detention and Payback

**Summary:** Angry parents, psychopathic biology teachers and a counselor who used to wrestle at the WWE. Nothing can stand in the way of true love though…right?

**Author's Note:** As I was writing this, I came across a gigantic continuity error, the explanation of which is at the bottom of this chapter. Suffice to say that I wasn't paying attention to the timelines.

(By the way, Tanya was given Bianca the day before she came to school by the drama teacher, who needed her. Just so you know.)

**Chapter Five: Detention and Payback**

Detention.

The most boring thing in the world.

_Nothing_ beat detention for boredom. Not even _Calculus_ beat it, with Mr. Anders droning on and on like nobody's business. At least in Calc James and Ben sat together and spent more than enough time doodling on one another's work and flirting with their respective others.

But no. In detention, the two were sat at opposite ends of the room and told to finish off what class work they hadn't done.

However, considering the duo's intelligence and the kind of stuff they got up to, inevitably this meant that there _was_ no class work for them to finish off. So, instead, they did what they did best:

Doodle and pretend it was important.

But not even that could take the edge off detention. If James and Ben had been allowed to sit together, the two might have concocted some elaborate plan to break out (possibly involving chairs through windows or chases through multi-storied buildings with automatic weapons – the two shared a secret and burning passion for action movies). However, the staff were very, very, _very_ aware of the things the two could get up to if left to their own devices.

Which is why I shall I reiterate: Detention. Is. Boring.

Mrs. Craig-Parkers sat at her desk at the front of the classroom and looked at the two boys. Neither of them were Neill-fall-to-your-knees-and-beg gorgeous, but you could see why they managed to get the girls.

(Or boys – it was common knowledge – or at least common _rumor_ – that James was at _least_ leaning towards bi on the scorecard of sexuality. At most, he was smack-dab firmly in the middle.)

Ben was handsome in a quiet way, one of the boys Mrs. Craig-Parkers had met who could be (and was) described, not as hot, or as pretty, but _handsome_, story tale handsome. It was easy to see where Addie's crush on him had begun. He rested his chin in his hand, his odd gray eyes thoughtful.

James, however, was and, in Mrs. Craig-Parkers frank view, would remain for the rest of his life as pretty. He chewed the end of a pencil, and brushed long, messy brown bangs out of almost-black eyes.

She then saw something interesting happen. James suddenly did a very odd fidget with his fingers, and started rubbing them as if cleaning them. Ben caught his eye, the two looked at one another and James, looking shamefaced, turned back to his work.

Now _this_ was interesting. James must have had some kind of habit and Ben wants him to stop…

It was at this stage that a handy-dandy distraction came in the form of Robin.

"Yes, Robin?" said Mrs. Craig-Parkers, in the exasperated yet slightly affectionate tone she always used for him. Robin slapped down a book. James couldn't see the cover, but he could _definitely_ make out the name 'Morris Gee'.

"It's shit," said Robin flatly. The teacher raised an eyebrow.

"Then why did you buy it when it first came into the shop?"

Robin gave her a droll look.

"Whatever gave you the idea that _I_ was the one exchanging money for it?"

Mrs. Craig-Parker gave him a stern look right back.

"All right. Justification,"

"His writing is terrible," said Robin immediately, "It's boring, repetitive, and he wouldn't know a decent climax if it slapped him in the face. _And_ his ending are stupid, happy ever, no-way-realistic,"

James thought this was highly unfair, given that Robin had obviously only read it this day, but Robin caught his eye and made a frantic motion behind his back that he was to get out through the door. James caught Ben's eye and nodded towards the door, and the two slunk out, Robin managing to block the teacher's sight by getting right in her face about the book – like always.

It wasn't until fifteen minutes later, when their rant had finished that Robin left. Mrs. Craig-Parkers didn't even bother turning around.

"Bastard," she said affectionately.

- - -

Ben and James were making their trek to the train station outside Duke Athens.

"Well, at least he paid us back," said James finally. Ben caught his eye, and the two grinned widely.

"Bet money every time it's Mrs. Craig-Parkers' turn to give us detention she doesn't," said Ben.

"What about the other teachers?"

Ben started to count off on his fingers:

"Mr. Anders, Ms. Anglera, Miss Heppersell"- here the two shuddered –"Mr. Scott, um, have I missed anyone?"

"I think that's it for detention teachers. How d'ya reckon Robin & Jacob are gonna get us out of _those_?"

"Well, Ms. Anglera is an English teacher, so Robin just has to…do whatever he does with English teaches that makes them love him so much…Miss Heppersell has a gigantic soft spot for the two, so they'll probably be able to lure her away…or we might end up with a chance memo about everyone's favorite bastards,"

"Robin and Jacob?"

"Leon and Dmitri,"

"_Oh_,"

By now the two had reached the train station…if it could be called that. A battered shelter covered in graffiti with a timetable on it didn't generally reflect what most people thought of when you said 'train station'.

The two went to look at the timetable and James groaned.

"An _hour_?! We have to wait _an hour_?! We might as well have stayed in detention!"

"Don't say stuff like that, James," said Ben, "You'll jinx us or something,"

"How can I jinx us anymore than we've already been jinxed?! We're already in detention until next term! Only Robin and Jacob have ever rivaled that!"

"I hear they got detention over the summer holidays once," said Ben.

"Exactly!"

"Exactly what?"

"…I don't know! But exactly!"

Ben rolled his eyes. There was no use in talking to his friend right now. All he'd do is jump and yell. Looking over at him, he saw that his hands were trembling as he rubbed his left elbow. Seeing what Ben was looking at, James stiffened.

"What?"

The two looked at one another, Ben thoughtful, James defensive.

"Nothing,"

There was a long pause.

"How many did you smoke each day?" asked Ben.

"Enough that I feel like shit," snapped James, "Can we talk about something else, please?"

There was a pause.

"Is it just me, or is it really, really cold?" asked James, shivering. Ben folded his arms with a smirk.

"I wouldn't know. _I_ actually _wear_ coats when it looks cold,"

James glared at his friend, who'd pulled on a hoodie the instant they'd stepped outside, leaving James to shiver in his t-shirt and jeans.

"Heartless bastard," said James.

"Your fault,"

James stuck his tongue out at him. Ben, ever good-natured, grinned.

"Does poor ickle white boy need a jumper?"

"And they say the white man is racist these days," said James. It was a long-running joke, despite the two being firmly deposited on the left side of the political spectrum.

Ben aimed a cuff at James, who dodged and blew a kiss.

"And you wonder why people think you're gay," said Ben.

"I don't recall ever saying I doubted it," said James with a carefree smile. Ben breathed an inward sigh of relief that his friend was now chirpier than he had been.

"Well, are you?" said Ben with a raised eyebrow. James raised an eyebrow right back.

"I've been with Ed for over a year. Does that answer your question?"

"Not really," James rolled his eyes.

"Bi," he said, looking bored, as if he'd been asked the question a million times before, "Bi and it amuses Ed no end,"

"How so?" asked Ben. James smirked and Ben abruptly wished he hadn't asked.

"Sure you want me to tell?"

"Forget it, forget it!" said Ben, laughing, "I don't wanna hear about your exploits!"

"Yeah, I'm such a slut," said James with a grin, tossing some autumn leaves at Ben.

"Hey!" protested his friend. James laughed, and Ben got his basketball out of his bag.

"No, no, no, no!" said James, "You'll get it in the train tracks, then you'll jump in to get it, get hit by a train and I'll have to explain to Addie why her boyfriend is a pile of mush!"

Ben tackled James.

"_OW_!" James was laughing despite his words, "Concrete _hurts_!"

Ben grabbed James and got him into a headlock.

"Do you submit, sir?" he asked with a laugh.

"Do you quarrel, sir?" quoted James, grinning.

"Quarrel, sir? No, sir!" responded Ben.

James was still trying to (somewhat unsuccessfully) wriggle out of Ben's grip.

"Let go!" he yelled, still laughing.

"That's hardly Shakespearean," noted Ben.

"Do you expect me to recite all of _Romeo & Juliet_?" asked James.

"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die,"

"That's not Shakespearean _either_!" James had now managed to finally get out of Ben's headlock and danced away, breathless in laughter. Ben ran after him as the two raced around the station, Ben almost catching James.

"Missed me, missed me!" said James, not really paying attention until Ben caught him against the wall.

"Don't you remember how the rest of the line goes?" said Ben, breathless. Black eyes met gray eyes. James was suddenly incapable of movement.

Until Ben kissed him, full on the mouth.

_Missed me, missed me,_

_Now you gotta kiss me!_

- - - -

**On Continuity**

(This is not necessary reading)

Okay, I just realized I had a continuity problem the size of the Antarctic. I probably shouldn't point it out, but it occurred to me that in IWFB, it's commented that Dmitri doesn't share Drama with Helena and Hermia because he comes in during his study spell to, well, screw them over. Also, they're working on _Richard III_, not _Othello_.

And thus we come to the excuse:

Neither Helena nor Hermia belong in the second class – as I altered later, the second spell is their 25th spell, and so study for the almost all the senior school (5th, 6th and 7th Form). The first day is set in the first day of IWBF, so the excuse is that Helena and Hermia are in the second class because they're practicing for an extra-curricular play they're planning. The other drama students in that class are practicing for their _Othello_.

The detention they receive is _also_ on the first day, so they haven't yet had the wonderful experience of the Fae 'coming out of the closet' as it were.

Thank you. If this still doesn't make sense, say in your review and I shall duly alter it.


	6. The Translation of Iago

**Author's Note:** I am aware that making James easy to read is completely against Shakespeare's wishes. It will make far, far, _far_ more sense later on. Trust me on this.

Oh, and I was reading Hellblazer before I wrote the part with Neill. Can't you tell?

**In Double Knavery**

**Chapter Six: Translating Iago**

The ride home on the train was almost unbearably uncomfortable. The kiss had lasted too long, and now the two were lost in their thoughts.

Ben couldn't stop a terrible twisting in his gut. He loved Addie. He loved her desperately, with all himself. But something about the way he kissed James made his hands tremble and his heart beat in a very strange way, and all he could remember was the shock on James' face and the way he pressed his bee-stung lips together right before he tilted his head back up to kiss him…

While Ben might feel strange, it was nothing compared to the utter uproar that was happening in James' head. He felt dizzy and confused, to the point where he almost missed his stop.

"I'll s-see you tomorrow Ben," he managed to stammer out before half-running off the train, turning at the last instant to watch the train turn the corner.

Ben sat down and stared at his hands, twisting them together in his lap, biting his lips.

He very slowly, and very carefully began to beat his head against the wall behind him.

- - -

"James? Lovely?"

James snapped out of whatever daze he'd been in to look at his girlfriend.

"What?" he asked, running a hand through his hair.

"What's wrong? You and Ben have been on edge all day, and you've barely said a word to one another," Ed looked concerned, brushing an errant bang out of her eyes. To her irritation, it fell right back into her eyes. Her boyfriend smiled and brushed it back with gentle fingers, resting his hand against her cheek, before leaning over and kissing her.

"You're changing the subject," said Ed when they pulled away. She could read James like a book as he twisted his mouth. He did that when it meant someone had managed to outsmart him. Normally it came with a sullen spark in his eyes, but with Ed, it was just a sigh of resignation. He had long given up trying to pretend that Ed couldn't keep up with him.

"It's nothing," he said, but his eyes flicked between Ed's face and the wall behind her. He was lying.

"Liar. Something must have happened in detention or something. Did you get in a fight?"

"…Yes," he wouldn't meet her eyes, and his lips went red. He wasn't telling the whole truth, and he whatever the whole truth was, he didn't want to talk about it.

"Tell me the truth, James," said Ed tiredly. The bang fell into her eyes again. James brushed it out again, eyes soft, hands slightly clenched. That meant that whatever it was, it had been James' fault, or he was taking the blame for it, at least.

Which meant it was about Ben. Because James _always_ took the fall for Ben, just like how Ben always defended his friend against hurtful rumors and taunts.

Ed decided it was a lost cause, and leaned against James, fitting perfectly against his side, her face buried in the bony space between shoulder and collarbone.

"I wish you would trust me," she sighed against his neck. His arm came around her, and he held her hands. That was his silent way of telling her that he loved her. Ed smiled.

- - -

Addie was slightly less diplomatic in getting the truth.

"Something's wrong, Ben," she said flatly. Ben, who had been staring into space all Geography, snapped into the present.

"What's wrong?" Ben immediately looked upset, thinking something was up with Addie.

Which was sweet, even if it was missing the point.

"That's what I'm going to talk to you about," Ben stared at Addie, blinking, "You've been out of it all day, you and James haven't been speaking – hell, you walk out of the room every time he's here, and he pretends like you don't exist! Chrissakes, _Robin_ was concerned! _Robin_. You know, the Robin that managed to get a car into the canteen last year by taking it apart and putting it back together again? The Robin that managed to put duct tape around the Calc teacher?"

"Gaffer tape," said Ben absently.

"Whatever! _Robin_ was concerned enough about it that he came and told me! _ROBIN._ Are you _listening_ to me?"

"Yes," said Ben, "And not understanding,"

"Some. Thing. Is. Wrong. With. You. And. James. You. Will. Tell. Me. Right. Now. Before. Lunch. Okay?"

Ben stared at his girlfriend, seemingly astonished that a girl so short and slender could be so forceful and angry.

"Addie?"

"_What the hell is wrong_?" she said, frustrated, "Did you two get into an argument, or a fight, or what?"

"…" Ben looked at the floor, lips parted, upset, not knowing what to say. Addie suddenly felt bad.

"Ben…Ben…I'm scared. You're putting him out at arm's length," Addie went over to put her arms around his waist and look up at him. Ben smiled, a little hesitantly, "Please tell me what's wrong? Please?"

Ben leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"It's just a fight, love," he said, "We'll get over it,"

- - -

Neill was getting stuff out of his locker when his 'Angry-Female' sense starting going into overload.

He quickly slammed the locker door, spun around, put his arms up and garbled out:

"Ididn'tdoit!"

When nothing happened, he hesitantly lowered his arms to see Addie and Ed looking at him in bemusement.

"Sorry," he said, "Instinct,"

"Right," said Addie, "We need your help,"

"Something's up with Ben and James and they won't tell us what it is," said Ed, "They both say it's a fight, but if it's a fight _I'm_ queen of Rome,"

"And…? I mean, they're my best mates but…" he looked into a pair of drowning hazel eyes and beautiful blue eyes and immediately felt his resolve wavering, "You want me to talk to them,"

The two nodded.

"You want me to talk to Ben, who could easily break me into pieces, and James, who could…I don't wanna think about the kind of things James could do if cornered,"

The looks the girls gave him told him they couldn't care less.

"Okay," he said, "I'll talk to them. If that doesn't work…" Neill took a deep breath, "We may have to resort to Miss Heppersell,"

All three gulped in unison, when, out of the corner of his eye, Neill spotted James heading towards him.

"Wish me luck,"

"I only wish luck to someone who needs it," said Addie dryly.

"Oh, I'm gonna need it,"

- - -

"James," said Neill. The tall boy paused to look at his friend expectantly, lips parted, black eyes wide. According to Ed, this meant he was in a rush and was attempting to be polite.

"Yes?"

"I've just had two incredibly beautiful young women ask me to do the impossible,"

James raised his eyebrow. You didn't even _need_ Ed to tell you what _that_ meant.

"Which was…?"

"Mediate you and Ben,"

Neill received the full power of one of James' _long_ stares. James might be one of his best mates, but Neill was certain that Satan himself didn't have eyes as freaky as James'.

"Whatever," James attempted to push past Neill, who winced inwardly and did something he knew he'd regret.

He grabbed James around the shoulders and slammed against the lockers, despite James being taller than him.

"_No_, dammit, you're going to listen to me! You're freaking out your own girlfriend, for chrissakes, man!"

James blinked at him, which meant he was doing some _very_ fast thinking…and then blushed.

"Um…oops?" he said, looking ashamed.

"What's wrong? What's going on between you and Ben?" James stared at Neill and then looked away.

"I can't say,"

"_Yes you bloody well can and you bloody hell will._" James shrunk a bit under Neill's angry glare. The corridor was slowly emptying as people headed to class, until it was just James and Neill, "_Well_?"

Even to Neill it was clear that James was inwardly panicking and trying not to show it.

"I…uh…I mean…" it was one of the few times Neill had actually seen James flabbergasted.

"What happened?"

"We just got into a fight is all," muttered James, looking away from Neill's face.

"Like hell! I've seen the aftermath of a fight between you two and it _bloody well isn't this_!"

James still wouldn't meet Neill's eyes.

"Tell me what happened,"

"I can't," said James, eyes firmly fixed on the floor.

"Yes you - "

"I said I can't!" James, flushed and upset finally met Neill's eyes.

And then he got it.

"Jesus Christ," said Neill, hands dropping to his side as he stared at James, "You didn't,"

"What the hell are you talking about?" snarled James.

"You _know_ what I'm talking about!" Neill yelled at him, clearly angry. His voice lowered to an angry hiss, "You _kissed him_, you bastard, didn't you?"

James' hands clenched, his jaw set.

"I love Ed,"

"_And_?"

James was biting the inside of his cheek so hard he was drawing blood.

"And what? That's the end of it. I love Ed. I don't see where else this is meant to go,"

The two glared at one another firmly. Neill's mouth twitched and he smiled, to James' shock.

"I can't chastise you, not really," said Neill, shaking his head with a soft laugh. "Not really,"

"What do you mean?" asked James. Neill just smiled and walked off, leaving a thoroughly upset James to stalk off to class.

- - -

**A/N:** I promise you, I _swear_ to you that the easy translation of Iago's motives is there _for a reason._ We're not yet into the play itself my lambs, so trust me on this, it will make far, far, _far_ more sense in about...two, maybe three chapters.


End file.
